greetings

I don’t blog these days because I tweet so if you;re diggin for me, please do follow me on twitter (that just made me feel like a superstar for a moment) hahaha

life is good

Ramadhan on wheels.

Since I haven’t blogged in a while, I’m gonna blog about this one. The first time I heard of it right, I thought it was some religious kind of programme but i didnt really feel like it was one of those which abides completely by the rules of Islam.
However, I had extreme fun. Ok the day started off fun because I practically didn’t sleep the whole night. I honestly think i’ve become damn crazy since I entered jj. The mcs unsurprisingly comprises of orang2 gile. Hehe. Ok so let’s skip to the main thing of the event. I got a driver. A young Malay driver(typically the one who modifies cars u know) and when I first entered his car, I thought he didn’t know how to speak Malay. It was awkward somehow. Ok then we went to beneficiary’s place and pick them up. Cik Soonas and her daughters. Friendly people. Went back to Ite simei which is damn huge I am freaking jealous and slacked with gang at some lecture theatre. Then went to giant at tampiness to do a $150 shopping for the beneficiary’s family. With Zam’s gang, the drive was really like those tokyo drift movie haha gerek pe. The daughters did the shopping (they’re in their 30ish alr) while I teman the makcik. Zam the driver said I could be makcik’s daughter. Cuz honestly I felt the attachment with her. She was in her wheelchair so I got to talk to her about things I didn’t think I would have talked about. So after the shop, we drove up back to their place. And we were just talking(ok Zam did most of thetalking cuz I was actually quite sad to leave). And after some time, me and Zam decided to leave and makcik in her wheelchair pulled me to hug me. She kept saying thank you and stuff. She kissed me. And she kept reminding me to come her place for raye. Exchanged numbers. That day was her first time going out in 6years I think. Ok then Zam and I went to another beneficiary’s home to meet up with his friend and sufyan. Ok it was really awkward because there were 6 guys and I was the only girl. But yea we slacked at that single dad’s place. Actually these two beneficiaries I think their lives are fine.Not the worst cases u know. So we slacked and it got a little more weird when they joked about girls. Aiyah. Ok then drove back to Ite. More like flew there. Zam drove damn fast lah I almost died of heart attack. Haha then had mass Iftar which I thought lacked of religious atmosphere idk why. The whole thing lacked of that actually. Or maybe it was just me. Hahaha. Ok then with the mcs gang went to expo. While the 26 of us walkd there, we were singing raye songs like drunk people. It was rather wrong cuz it’s Ramadhan I just realised and ppl were giving us stares. Jc students. Tsk tsk. So expo, ate ate ate I love Wahidah haha. Then home. Wah the journey home was loud. I was loud as usual. Dammmn. But my fav is when Zam blast the music in the car. I felt like one of those episodes in kl drift or fast and furious movie. Hahaha I felt sucha bad girl. And he wanted to drive me home. It was weird. He got friendlier with me after the whole thing via SMS.

Ok so, APART FROM helping the beneficiaries and the attachment felt, I conclude it wasn’t really Islam. For me, atleast.

That kid.

2007, 2008

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME EHEHE.

17.

Birthday nights shd always be memorable right?okay not always but if youre lucky enough, they should be.

I’m blessed and I miss you.

.

Right now, this moment right now, I feel so alone..
truly alone.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m a mess. Life’s a mess.
Get me out of here. please.
it’s too painful. And I can’t stop crying.

fml

Ya Allah. I am tired of life. I hate my life right now. I can’t take it any longer. Everything just makes me cry. Everything just makes me want to end life right now.
there’s just so much hatred. ego. and there’s no more love in my life. what has happened to me? what has happened! Why are you doing this to me. Why.
I want to run away. But I know I can’t escape. But Im going to try.

I wish I didn’t care.

One thing Ive learnt about relationships is that, once you break up with someone you loved dearly, you can’t be his friend anymore. Regardless of the fact that you both were so close. And after breaking up, if you want to be his friend, I say don’t.

Let me tell you this. You broke my heart loads of time & I hope you realise that. But I’m kind enough to accept you back into my life. Because hey, for a year and a half of my life, my life focused on you. just you. And I loved you.

Ive always wanted to leave you alone and nt care about you.

But I still cared. (And I wish I didnt)

But, dont worry. After realizing that you actually don’t care anymore, I realize I still hate you. I wanted to be your friend. But now, I know I wasted my time to even think about it.

I assume you still have feelings for me.

But anyways, f off.

before the storm.

We were young.

We were alike.

We had the deep connection for each other.

Didn’t really know what it was.

But I miss it, how it felt.

I miss how easy it was for me to relate to you.

And you to me.

What we went through, changed me.

What we went through, was life changing.

You were my best friend, my soulmate.

And I still can’t believe that the relationship we had, took that away from us, from me.

I miss you my friend.

You were the closest thing I had, and I didnt say goodbye to lose you forever.

I said goodbye, to a lover.

But not to a best friend.

But I guess, you didn’t want the change.

But it was for good.

I’ve been flooded with all this pain.

Knowing that it’s really over.

I know.

But this is for you.

AAA.

Never have I thought that today, right now, I would be thinking of you. Never have I thought, that today I’d be wishing that one day, after all these crazy things happenings come to an end in our lives, I want to be with you forever. You made me become a btr person. really. I know we dont get to meet as frequent, but I just want you to know, that I do think of you. And saya rindu awak. (:

Hell.

Let’s sweep the dust off this journal.

Ok, school started this week  fr me. OMG it was one hellish week for me I tell you. Mid terms was a breeze. NOT. I had to get an MC for getting a bad headache that night before chemistry paper. after maths paper. AND they weren’t easy at all. Especially BIOLOGY. While reading the questions, I kept asking myself, “Have I gone crazy and dumb?” Because I was laughing while doing the paper. And I couldn’t understand anything from the question. It was so tough I couldn’t help laughing. What a week it has been. I actually studied for the bloody biology paper. Malay oral (ALEVELS) is in 3 days time and I am utterly not prepared. What have I been doing man? GOD. Please help this weak one. Please.

Note to myself: Don’t be delirious over failure.